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When Zlatan announces he is moving, everything in the soccer world should stop and focus on where he is going. Since we make our living covering everything soccer-related in the Unites States, that means that the fact that Zlatan may come to our soil takes precedence in the news world. Like I said in the previous article about Zlatan – there is no background that can conceal the Swede. No shadow that he can hide in.

That actually sounds really creepy when you think about it.

Moving on, the LA Galaxy have emerged as odds on favorites to land the Swede’s services come this summer. As in like, one month from now.

This is where we run into a bit of a snag with these odds. As my first endeavor into horse racing taught me – never doubt the odds. But I am doubting the odds here. It may be a stupid question to ask, but what do the LA Galaxy want with Zlatan? They have everything they need and have established themselves as the team to beat. Even with Colorado doing their thing and Montreal and Philly doing theirs, no one beats LA on their day.

That is thanks to LA’s three designated players: Robbie Keane, Steven Gerrard, and Giovanni Dos Santos. Three DPs that are DPs because they deserve to be DPs. And because their can only be three DPs. Which one of those three is either going to dip out of LA or take a pay cut? If none seem likely to you, then good, you’ve been paying attention. How would cramming the biggest DP in the history of DPs into a group of three DPs result in three DPs? It’s a matter of math and unlike horse racing, I totally get math.

No doubt LA would love to get their hands on the Swedish Behemoth, but the fact is they have no room for him. That sounds crazy, but unless they want to get heartless and pull the rug out from under Keane, Gerrard or Dos Santos, which they won’t, then there is no place for this puzzle piece to fit.

So let’s look at the other coast, where the New York Red Bulls and NYCFC reside. Zlatan pegged New York as another potential landing place. What better world for Zlatan to conquer than the greatest city in the world? That kind of made sense.

Anyway, we all know that the Red Bulls are in New Jersey. So let’s go ahead and scratch that, for arguments sake. That leaves NYCFC. With how Frank Lampard has done – or better yet, with how he hasn’t done – perhaps an unprecedented scratch wouldn’t be too ridiculous. Or maybe the thought of Zlatan and David Villa teaming up is just too much to handle.

Zlatan is coming. Prepare yourselves.